THIRTY EXERCISES IN PRECISION AND FUTILITY
Give an object a name. Nurture it. Worship it. Then, destroy it.
Visit a place that you've always dreamed of. Look around a long time, and never return.
Associate a fruit -- i.e. an apple -- with a certain traumatic experience. Holding the fruit in your hands, stare at it before forcing yourself to eat it as quickly as possible. Eat the core of the apple. Eat the stem. Eat the seeds. Leave no trace of what was once there. Take note of how your body reacts.
For one entire year, say "yes" of everything that is asked of you. Your safety is irrelevant.
Make a drawing of what you are most ashamed of. Using three thumbtacks, hang it in the back of your closet in front of your favorite sweater. Show nobody, but be sure you visit the drawing everyday. You may not wear the sweater.
In a meeting, take note of who makes eye contact with each other and when.
Tell everyone what actually happened in a clinical, unfeeling way. Make a record of who believes you.
Type "identity" into a Google search, and see if you can find yourself.
Present an oversized novelty check in the amount of your choice to someone who has lost a loved one to violence and ask them if the amount will suffice.
Pull someone's hair who is longer than yours, if only because you can. They will not be able to do the same to you.
Drive to work wearing a blindfold, using only prayer to get you there safely. Try not to harm others, but ultimately, it is out of your control.
Visibly put in ear plugs in the middle of a conversation with a friend. After a moment, walk away completely.
Take a pair of scissors and individually cut each blade of grass in your front yard. If you do not have a front yard, you may tweeze individual hairs from hands and knuckles, from your own or others.
Answer the phone and listen. Hang up immediately when the other person says, "Hello?" Contemplate the interaction, but not too long.
Every time you enter a new room, quickly locate the exits in case of a fire or the nearest makeshift weapon in case of an active shooter event.
Verbally assault a broken appliance in your kitchen or other location of your household.
Find someone who is guilty. Convince them they are, even if they are not.
Using a can of black spray paint, cover the peephole on your neighbor's front door. Knock. If they ask who is there, remain silent. Use hope to convey that they will know it's you.
Make no distinction between moral obligations and fiscal responsibility.
Always believe the man with light hair and white skin and glowing teeth for all evidence points to that this man is Christ.
Memorize all traffic laws and never violate any of them. Wonder if this matters.
Volunteer for something you believe in and then complain because of the amount of work it takes to do it well.
Walk down the hallways of Columbine, and then go to a local diner and ask folks what they think about school shootings. Then go to Sandy Hook, Marjory Stoneman Douglas, Santa Fe, and ask them what they think about school shootings.
Take a sheet of computer paper and, using a #2 Ticonderoga, blacken the entire surface. Using a pair of scissors, make a mask by cutting out eyeholes and a mouth. Stick your face through it and say: "But I have _______ friends." The blank should be a skin color different from your own. Breathe through your mouth because there will not be a place for your nose.
When someone tells you why they are having a bad day, do not listen. Instead, think of your experience and the multiple ways you can relate. Make sure they know, too.
In your limited experience, confirm only what you know to be true.
Count the number of times your heart beats. Determine that number in a ratio to silence.
When reading a book, tear out the pages you've completed reading so that you are aware that you've participated in an experience and the experience is now over.
Deface a family heirloom.
Do not try to draw correlations between what you've done in one area of your life and what you will do tomorrow. It's probably best not to think about it at all.
Copyright © 2019 John Grimmett. All rights reserved.
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